Tuesday, 22 January 2019

Keeping IVF A Secret

Dear Readers,

Throughout my journey through IVF and infertility I found it impossible to keep it a secret. I knew many friends who did and I understood their reasons for the secrets but I could not have held it all in the way they did. For me this would have been too isolating and my IVF journey was definitely one that required a lot of support and understanding from those closest to me.

Don't misinterpret me in thinking I told everyone and anyone who would listen. I certainly did not. I was highly aware that some people could not hear it due to their religious beliefs, narrow-mindedness or simply their inability to accept things far removed from their own experiences.

Those closest to me who couldn't understand ultimately fell away as IVF took so much of my emotional, physical and financial energy; not to mention a lot of my time and thoughts, that I simply had no surplus energy to offer them. True friends who could support me stayed for the long haul and the others stopped calling and writing.

Acquaintances who I was not as emotionally connected to either understood from afar or they simply did not. One religious acquaintance verbally attacked me accusing me of going against God and predicting my baby would not be healthy as what I had done to create him was evil.

Throughout it all I used my intuition to gauge who could accept my present truth and who could not. Some I told to challenge them as I could not accept their judgement. Some I told so they did not feel so alone in their similar journey. Others I told because I needed their support or they needed to know because it affected my job or could explain my moods, appointments or absences.

As I went through my journey of IVF with the people around me who had chosen to stay by my side I marvelled at how the others coped alone.

A friend went through the journey not even telling her in-laws how their grandchildren came to be. I spoke to counselling clients who called me crying in their bedroom because their husband didn't even want to talk to them or know about the process.

I realised early on that infertility and IVF are such taboo topics for so many. Even being happy to be open about my experiences I understood this openness scared a lot of people and I still only had certain circles of people I could talk to about my feelings.

Knowing how many people go through IVF and infertility I did not want all of them to feel alone too. I knew even though it would not be easy or accepted my everyone that I had to share my story of IVF so it was no longer such a secret.

This is what inspired me to share:
'Holding the Baby Dream' with you all.

No more secrets! Instead let's open a conversation about IVF and support the ones we love so they don't have to go through this crazy journey in silence.

Blessings until next time,

Narelle Hudson

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