Saturday, 22 December 2018

Travel and Christmas

Hi all,

Everytime I travel I feel so blessed and at peace. Travelling helps me to appreciate my life and how lucky I am to be healthy, wealthy and free enough to see the world.

I am reminded again of how fortunate I am to live in one of the richest countries in the world, Australia. I am humbled by seeing how others live and how hard they work and struggle to support their children and their families. I am also humbled by the beauty I see and how happy some people are with much less freedom and material wealth than I.

I am awed by the resiliance I see in humans to overcome all the diversity their ancestors, race, religion, gender or countrymen have endured.

Travel can be a double-edged sword at times. A reminder that I must accept that all these adventures have only been made possible because my son was taken back to heaven after only a few brief moments here on earth. Life would be very different with him here.

Travel, in Asia especially, reminds you of how important family is. Whether it is seeing a family of 5 on the back of a scooter; watching a mother cling to a baby on the back of a motor bike; or hearing about the generations of families that live on each floor of their houses and support each other.

As much as all these experiences help you to appreciate your life they also remind you of what is missing. Your little future family... why do some dreams have to slip away sometimes for other dreams to shine?

Christmas is not an easy time for us. We, mothers of Angel's. Yes, we know our Angel's are supporting us from heaven and sitting on top of our Christmas trees. Although they are not in our arms; opening presents or waiting for Santa.

Even as we travel the world and make our other dreams come true we know our Christmas lights don't shine quite as brightly in the absence of our angel babies on earth.

Sending love to each of you who are missing your loved ones this Christmas.

Merry Christmas and blessings until next time,

Narelle x

Friday, 26 October 2018

Grief Never Ends

Dear Readers,

I haven't posted for a little while as I have had a lot going on personally. It has been over eight years now since my son passed away at only 23 weeks gestation. There have been so many tears and difficult moments where I thought my heart would never heal and would stay broken forever. As the years have passed I have grown stronger and stronger and the days have gradually got easier and more joyful to navigate. 

It is easy to believe that you have healed completely at this point until something comes up again to remind you and alas trigger you.

I was feeling very tired and just assumed it was because it is nearing the end of the year. I went to a yoga and meditation retreat with my husband so we could have some time out to replenish our energy. I received a healing treatment on the day from a kinesiologist. She noticed almost immediately that there was grief in my uterus; causing my tiredness and other digestive problems.

The therapist worked on healing this trauma. I am very open to alternative therapies and am trained in them myself so I have already received much healing from myself and others over the last eight years. The therapist commented on how much work I had already done on myself and told me she was working at a high level.

After the treatment I felt much lighter and more open. As my husband and I returned home that afternoon we received some  upsetting news about the poor health of a loved one. News so serious we were not sure how much longer we may have them in our life.

I believe because I was so raw and open after my healing the news struck me very hard. For the next few days I went back into a deep state of grief and the way I handled things reminded me of how I had coped when I lost my son. The grief reactions of those around me stirred painful reminders in me. I was taken back to a place of mourning my son again.

Grief is so sneaky. Like a dog coming up to bite your heels again when you least expect it. In these moments it is sometimes hard for me not to get frustrated with myself at how long it takes to completely heal from such a great loss. Maybe we never do.

I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences on your grief journey if you feel guided to share.

Until next time,

Blessings and light,

Narelle Hudson

Saturday, 6 October 2018

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month

Dear Readers,

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month.                         

A time where:

We Remember...

the babies born sleeping,
those we carried but never held,
those we held but could not take home,
those who came home
but could not stay

Please support those you know who have experienced or are presently experiencing this heartbreak.

Love and Blessings to all who have been affected by this loss,

Narelle Hudson

Friday, 21 September 2018

Our Universal Truth

Dear Readers,

Yesterday I posted one of my books to a lady in Serbia. It seemed so surreal to believe that one of my readers would be from a far off land such as this. Then on further reflection I realised we all share the same universal truth when it comes to motherhood, dreams, loss and pain.

I met this lady, who will shortly receive by book in Serbia, on a design website called 99 designs. I put up a request for a designer to help me achieve my dream of having the perfect cover for my book. I received many design options but when I saw the one below I just could not move past it to see other designs. It seemed perfect.

It was only after I started working with this designer to perfect her initial design ideas that she told me she was also going through IVF herself. In this moment I knew why her design had picked me and seemed so perfect. I hope the design experience was as cathartic for her as it was for me. 

After I selected this design and paid for it the designer requested that she have a copy of the book to read when it was published. As I posted the copy off to her in the mail yesterday I felt so blessed to be able to help someone such a long way around the world, with my words alone. 

It occurred to me that her universal truth was probably not to dissimilar to mine. I love the way the arts break down barriers and unite us all no matter where we are on this planet. Her visual arts and my written art - what a magical combination.

Until next time, 

Blessings and light,

Narelle Hudson.

Wednesday, 19 September 2018

Triggers and Growth

Dear Readers,

Yesterday I attended a meeting for work which discussed perinatal and anti-natal care, trauma and a mother's mental health concerns during this time. It was a very interesting workshop. I am aware of how important it is to recognise post natal depression and anxiety.

Throughout the talk I felt fine. However, when I got home and had the privacy to truly be me I realised my energy was very weird. I felt snappy, exhausted, overwhelmed and chaotic in my head. I must have been triggered somehow. I used all my best self-care strategies. I went for a long walk along the water with my husband and then sought some time alone to have a relaxing bath and give myself a Reiki treatment. I went to bed feeling much lighter.

The following day started out as a normal day. I was a little tired after yesterday but as the new day began I bounced back trying to find the joy in the beautiful spring day. The day began with a public speaking role for me. Every time I do these public speaking gigs lately I feel less nervous. I used to be so afraid of public speaking and lacking in confidence but now I mostly take them in my stride. 

As I finished this job I felt proud of myself for handling another public speaking opportunity with grace and confidence. The day was sailing along quite nicely. 

As the day progressed I was met by a friend. I took one look at her tear-stained face and could see the raw grief on her face. She had just lost a beloved family member. She hugged me for the longest time. I still did not sense that I was not ok. I continued to spend time with her and others as she emotionally shared her story of loss. The others cried with her and I still remained calm and strong in my support for her. There was no sign of me crumbling at all.

Later in the day I spoke to another lady privately and the topic of my book came up. As I spoke about my book and my loss I burst into tears. I realised the occurrences of the last two days and the sight of my friends grief had triggered my own. I reflected on the lessons from the last two days and understood all the triggers had occurred to help me grow. 

The public speaking is happening to show me I will be ready and confident to promote my book; to talk about it with others and do my book tours. 

Grief - like the nipping teeth of a dog that sneaks up on you to bite your heals again; just when you thought you had lost him. Just to remind you never to be complacent. More than 8 years later and still lurking around in the shadows.

The occurrences of these days have leapt me into a new level of action to share my book with the world. 'Holding the Baby Dream' is my gift to share with you all. It contains the message that help us with our grief and our triggers so we can grow into the confident, fearless woman we were always meant to be. The triggers remind us to value the tough fights we have experienced and the pain we have endured to confirm for us that we are ready for any future battles that we are presented with. 

Until next time with love and kindness,

Narelle Hudson.

Tuesday, 21 August 2018


Hi Readers,

We all have our own unique point of view. We all have our own story and experiences. Not one of us walk the same journey; no matter how similar our stories may appear.

Yes, all of us here may share a common journey: towards finding our babies in a sea of the rough waves of infertility; or in supporting someone else who is battling these storms. However, I believe every wave we experience is unique. Some are hard, some soft and others are even violent and brutal.

I know many women who are/have been struggling to realise their baby dream. Although, not one of their experiences is identical to another person's. I believe my story, 'Holding the Baby Dream' is a recount unlike no other; just as I am sure each and every one of your stories would be if it was scribed into a book. This diversity does not mean any of our stories are of lesser or greater value than anyone else's, simply different.

We may share similar themes and messages about our experiences but our expression of and reaction to our journeys could not be more different.

I feel like the picture below symbolises for me the difference in our expression of this journey more than a thousand words could describe. This picture has been circling social media of late, at a rapid pace. For some it is shocking and allows the viewer to form an instantly strong, negative reaction. For others this picture resinates deeply and helps to validate their experiences and describe them to others without words.

I believe this image is travelling so fast around the internet because as much as it is confronting it is also a reality for so many women; at least the ones who have been fortunate enough to realise their dream and have been gifted a child.

'My baby daughter surrounded by needles is a symbol of hope for those with fertility struggles'

Initially, when I saw this image I was intrigued. I wasn't sure whether it spoke to my soul and I 'got it' or whether it was in 'poor taste'. I am still deciding. But ultimately I believe this image is symbolic of our different perceptions of a battle so many of us face. Infertility, like art itself, is interpreted differently by every individual. This diversity is something to be celebrated, not shunned. Art/our voice should not be hidden/silenced just because everyone is not in agreement.

I know my art (my book) will be interpreted in many ways by the masses. But this fear of some readers 'not relating' to my individual experiences does not deter me. This reality in fact inspires me as I know my 'art' can not appeal to everyone, just as this image does not.

Ultimately I know if my words comfort only one person to know they are not alone and someone else understands them, than this is my greatest dream realised.

Until next time,

with love,

Narelle Hudson

Saturday, 2 June 2018

Words that help to describe the pain of IVF and losing a baby....

Hi Readers,

As you know by now I am all about the words. Writing my book: 'Holding the Baby Dream' and publishing it has helped me to heal with words and also to help others heal.

Here are some words that help to describe the pain of IVF and losing a baby. There are so many out there. Please add any that you can relate to in the comment section. 

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    Image result for losing a child quotesImage result for ivf quotes

Please don't be afraid to share your stories.

Until next time blessing to all,

Narelle Hudson


Mothers Day as a childless woman.

Hi Readers, May has already been a very emotional month for me so far, for quite a few reasons. Sunday May 1st saw us honour those who have ...