Monday, 19 October 2015

When IVF doesn't work the first time...

It takes so much courage to admit that you can't get pregnant naturally, without the help of doctors. It can be a long time of hoping and praying that this can't be your destiny and that you will get pregnant naturally if you just give it time.

Time runs out and the doctors will tell you your chances of success with IVF are greater before the age of 35. The biological clock keeps ticking and all of a sudden, even though you may start this journey at 27, as I did, all of a sudden you may be 30 and time does not wait. You may be older when you start and then time is even less of a friend to you.

Once we have admitted we need help and reached out for doctors to assist us we tell ourselves it will be a quick process and it will work on the first cycle. I think we have to tell ourselves this to make it easier to start in the first place. No one wants to prolong pain for themselves. If someone told me when I began that it may only work if I did five cycles I may have been less likely to jump in.

However, once you have jumped in and accepted your fate you want it to work so badly, maybe even more than before, to make up for all the things you are going through. So when the first cycle didn't work I told myself: 'that's ok, it will work next time'. I kept telling myself this as this was the message I needed to believe. The message had changed from: 'it will work the first time' to 'it will work next time'. Now I had already invested so much, there was no way I was going to back out without what I had come for, a baby.

The optimism fades as the cycles progress and although I still wanted to believe it would happen the next time, come cycle number five, I believe there were also parts of me that weren't certain anymore. Friends had also started the IVF journey with me and they had already given birth to healthy babies. I was desperate now but not 100% confident, as I once had been.

In fact when the pregnancy test came back positive, after the four pregnancy tests before it being negative, I hardly believed it myself. It took a long while to sink in.

Know when you begin this journey it can work, but it may not work the first time. The journey through five cycles can be a very bumpy one and it is best to be a little emotionally prepared for that. I wish I had of been that realistic in the beginning. Prepare yourself for the long haul and then be delighted if/when it happens sooner.

Many blessings,

until next time,

Narelle Hudson

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