Enjoy this excerpt from chapter 15 of my up-coming book. This chapter is about Hope. Anyone on this path will surely understand how important hope is. Not sure I was very hopeful this day. sure you can relate to that too.
Now as we begin the third cycle of IVF I feel the increased numbness to it all. I find myself not taking on the crazy childlike hope of the first two cycles. I find I am now just following the steps and doing what I am told without too much hope or fear that it will work/not work. I am sure there is still a huge part of me, buried deep within somewhere, that craves for this to work; still hoping against all hope it will be successful; although that part is presently hidden from my mind. It is afraid to show itself although of course if it was not there at all, I would not be here on this path again. After all we only continue with this emotional rollercoaster if we have some hope the process will not be all in vain.
Presently though, I honestly don’t feel this cycle will or will not work this time. Perhaps I do not allow myself this luxury. Perhaps after feeling it would work for both those previous times I have simply shut out this optimistic part of myself, to keep myself safe. I am simply following all of the instructions and nonchalantly inhaling my nasal spray and frequenting my acupuncture appointments. Whatever happens will happen. I have not had a say in it so far and I don’t think it is up to me this time either. The universe will choose the next direction for me and it is my job only to follow that path.
I don’t believe at present that getting emotionally involved in it all will increase or decrease my chances in a positive outcome. I was extremely involved the first and second time; saying my affirmations, meditating on it, placing fertility crystals in and around me and the outcome was still not what I wanted it to be. My emotions were depleted quickly due to all the spiritual outpour of my energy into making the environment perfect for the conceiving of a child.
For this round I have decided to leave it all in the hands of the universe. It is their decision in the end that will count anyway. In fact sometimes, if we as humans, wish for something too much and cling to it too strongly it actually eludes us because we grasp it so tightly and do not give it the freedom to be birthed into reality.
P.S. thank you to those who have submitted title ideas. Please keep them coming! Is such an exciting time for me right now, with all my previous books now being available as paperbacks and kindles at Amazon.com.
Thank you all for sharing this journey with me,