Tuesday, 29 September 2015

Excerpt from chapter 15, entitled 'Hope'.


Enjoy this excerpt from chapter 15 of my up-coming book. This chapter is about Hope. Anyone on this path will surely understand how important hope is. Not sure I was very hopeful this day. sure you can relate to that too.
 
Now as we begin the third cycle of IVF I feel the increased numbness to it all. I find myself not taking on the crazy childlike hope of the first two cycles. I find I am now just following the steps and doing what I am told without too much hope or fear that it will work/not work. I am sure there is still a huge part of me, buried deep within somewhere, that craves for this to work; still hoping against all hope it will be successful; although that part is presently hidden from my mind. It is afraid to show itself although of course if it was not there at all, I would not be here on this path again. After all we only continue with this emotional rollercoaster if we have some hope the process will not be all in vain.

Presently though, I honestly don’t feel this cycle will or will not work this time. Perhaps I do not allow myself this luxury. Perhaps after feeling it would work for both those previous times I have simply shut out this optimistic part of myself, to keep myself safe. I am simply following all of the instructions and nonchalantly inhaling my nasal spray and frequenting my acupuncture appointments. Whatever happens will happen. I have not had a say in it so far and I don’t think it is up to me this time either. The universe will choose the next direction for me and it is my job only to follow that path.

I don’t believe at present that getting emotionally involved in it all will increase or decrease my chances in a positive outcome. I was extremely involved the first and second time; saying my affirmations, meditating on it, placing fertility crystals in and around me and the outcome was still not what I wanted it to be. My emotions were depleted quickly due to all the spiritual outpour of my energy into making the environment perfect for the conceiving of a child.

For this round I have decided to leave it all in the hands of the universe. It is their decision in the end that will count anyway. In fact sometimes, if we as humans, wish for something too much and cling to it too strongly it actually eludes us because we grasp it so tightly and do not give it the freedom to be birthed into reality.
 
P.S. thank you to those who have submitted title ideas. Please keep them coming! Is such an exciting time for me right now, with all my previous books now being available as paperbacks and kindles at Amazon.com.
 
Thank you all for sharing this journey with me,
 
Narelle Hudson

Monday, 28 September 2015

'Baby'



I am a writer and this means that words are constantly flowing through my brain a million miles an hour. So many words to choose from and still I cannot seem to find a title for my up and coming book. I have been thinking it will come to me as I continue to write the book but then I thought, who better to ask than you guys...the ones who are/have/will share my journey and know all of the feelings and emotions of this experience as well as I do. Maybe I am too close to it all to be objective enough to title my experiences. Do you have any ideas??? Yes, you!

The file on my computer has been titled 'Baby' for more than five years. During this time the process of writing this book has continued; however my intention has changed many times as the journey has progressed.

At first the word 'Baby' signified what I wanted from all of these struggles. The hope and dream that I had and the outcome I assumed I would achieve. It was a word which represented fighting and struggle. Then the word morphed into a celebratory word as I achieved my goal and became pregnant. The word was then filled with joy and blessings. Then when all the dreams slipped away the word 'Baby' became one of the most painful words I could hear. It became a word I would travel deep within to avoid hearing or stay at home to avoid seeing in public.

Now the word 'Baby' seems to represent strength for me again and how far I have come, however I am not sure this little word is adequate enough to represent all the emotions and experiences I have endured. Is any single word or string of words strong enough to label this journey? What words would you like to hear that would make you pick up this book and read it? Yes, you! Speak up...I can't hear you.

I would be grateful for any ideas in the comment section of my Blog and if your suggestion happens to be the title of my book when it is completed than of course you will end up with one of the first autographed copies.

Until next time,

Narelle Hudson

Wednesday, 23 September 2015

My poetry collection

Letting Go: A Poetry Collection by Narelle Hudson http://t.co/11Ie0glc64
via @amazon
Letting Go: A Poetry Collection
amazon.com/dp/1516949935/…
 
This is the second of my three books, previously written and re-released. I understand you may be specifically interested in the area of fertility if you are following my Blog, however these poems are about the universal theme of love, which I feel applies to all experiences in life.
 
If not for you, stay tuned for more information about my current book I am writing. Otherwise snuggle down and read this one while you are waiting. It will give you a great perspective on the type of writer I am.
 
Many blessings,
 
Narelle Hudson

Monday, 21 September 2015

While you are waiting for my new book to be finished...


If you are waiting for my fertility book to be finished and need some inspirational reading in the meantime. Here is one of my other books, Spirit, for you to read. The sequel to this book, 'Soul Channelling' is also on the way as well as my collection of Poetry - 'Letting Go'. Head to Amazon.com to get your copy now.
 Stay tuned for more information on the other titles coming soon.

Spirit by Narelle Hudson http://t.co/CmyxrjWVJM via @amazon
‘Spirit’ was inspired by a near-fatal car accident and subsequent near-death experience, which Narelle Hudson experienced in 2002. The book was inspired by the spiritual experiences Narelle gained during her recovery. It is not simply a story...
amazon.com/dp/1517018021/…


Sunday, 20 September 2015

Do you have children?


It always amazes me how society is so set in its ways that they struggle to accept anyone who is different. Whether that difference be your: sexuality, beliefs, taste, opinions or lifestyle.

I have met so many people, predominantly women, who can simply not wrap their head around the fact that I am of a certain age and do not have children. When going through IVF it was like a constant bomb being dropped. 'Do you have children?' POW 'When are you having children?" POW "Why don't you have children?" POW. These comments hurt like bullets into my heart and I wanted to scream.

I am sure all of these questions were asked with no nasty intent, however when you are mid-way through an IVF cycle, or even worse you have just realised the last cycle did not work, this is the last question you need. Even now, I am not currently doing IVF, I find these questions frustrating. Like the tradesman the other day who says: "well it's just you two at the moment but when you fill up the house with children you will use so much more power".

I have tried all sorts of responses to "Do you have children?", over the years to protect myself. I have found a simple "no" response leads to the enquirer needing to smooth things over and make things better. They usually respond with a comment like: "Oh well you are still young, plenty of time for that!" or "Don't worry, it will happen soon".

When I have responded with "its complicated" the same well-wishing responses are achieved. When I have responded with the truth and mentioned IVF the response can be mixed. It can resemble something like: "My daughter/friend/cousin tried that and it worked for them, it will work for you too, you'll see". Alternatively they can be very uncomfortable about the mention of IVF and shrink away and disappear.

I have experimented with just being honest, as I always try to be, but people get very funny when you tell them out loud you wont be having children. They respond like you just told them you were an alien from Mars and they cannot fathom why, as a young female, you would not have children. It is unbelievable to them and then it gets very awkward and they change the topic or leave, assuming now you both have nothing in common.

I have found it usually best to just agree with them when they say: "Don't worry, it will happen soon, you are still young". Nodding and smiling seems easier than bursting their false hope.

Although I wonder why I can't be 100% truthful with them all. Why does my action of not having children scare so many women? It was not even 100% my choice to begin with. Perhaps it worries them; bursting their optimistic bubble of hope that all women can have children.

Although sadly, anyone playing this infertility game knows children are not guaranteed for all! This lack of understanding only makes it harder to gain support and share our truth. This narrow-minded belief makes the journey more isolating and painful. This is why people need more education on this topic! This is why I write!

Would love to hear your stories too...

Until next time,

Narelle Hudson

Sunday, 13 September 2015

Keeping fertility issues a secret


It worries me that this topic is still so taboo for many women and their partners. There are many couples out there whom I have met who have children now and still have never found the courage to tell their family how those children were conceived. They believe it would be easier just to pretend the children were conceived through natural means and not through artificial ones. They are afraid they'll be judged and people won't understand.

This creates couples who feel even more isolated during their journey through IVF. Not only are they worried about the process of IVF and the outcomes; they also need to hide as they feel like they must not tell anyone they have fertility issues. This increases the stress and reduces their support considerably. IVF is difficult and isolating enough to do with support from family and friends. I am not sure I could have done it secretly without any of this support.

Not everyone I told understood my reasons for doing IVF or even agreed. In fact a lady I knew who was deeply religious ranted about how I was going against God's wishes and what I was doing was devils work. I had to ask her to leave my life. Not everyone can agree with your decision, but that is their choice and I don't believe anyone should have their chance to understand taken away.

People do surprise you and many will understand. In fact it is not until you share that you realise how many people really do understand on a personal level, because they have struggled or are currently struggling too. I found when I shared my journey with some people it actually gave them a voice; to talk about their fertility concerns. That is what I see my book doing on a grand scale. Although every time you help to give a voice to a single individual it is very powerful.

I remember a neighbour innocently came to my door one day after I had just found out cycle three had not worked. I broke into tears as soon as I opened the door. After my story fell out and my tears  dissolved I listened to this older lady. I heard her story of her journey through adoption. Don't feel alone in this. If you are honest and speak up about your story you may actually heal another who thinks they are all alone too. As soon as you speak out you realise you are not alone at all. Many of us are in fact in this together, we just haven't met each other yet.

Blessings,

Narelle Hudson

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

Dear Readers, I have been so busy since my last post promoting and sharing my new book: The Baby Dream Learning to Live with Infertility and...