Saturday, 29 August 2015

The Rollercoaster Ride

How do I begin to describe the emotional process of IVF?

I compared it to a rollercoaster ride as I journeyed through it myself, and even now all these years later I will never forget the many ups and downs that present themselves on this journey.

UP - you meet the man of your dreams and you fall in love
DOWN - you discover you cannot have a baby as naturally as you expected, as naturally as all the people around you getting pregnant
UP - you find the courage to ask medical professionals for help
DOWN - you find out how slim your chances are of succeeding without their help
DOWN - you calculate the costs and the process involved and hear about the risks and drugs
UP - you have faith that it will work and you will be a mother after all
UP - you start the process all confident and positive
DOWN - the side-effects of the drugs mess with your emotions and you find everyday life challenging
DOWN - the injections are painful and you feel like a pin-cushion
DOWN - the days when you have finished all the procedures and just need to wait until you can do the pregnancy test are excruciating
UP - the day you can take your pregnancy test is bitter-sweet but your optimism makes you positive
DOWN - the results are in, you are not pregnant
DOWN - or worse still you get your period the morning of the pregnancy test and have to take the test anyway just for the doctors to be sure
DOWN - you feel so low, all that hope and now it is over and it did not work
DOWN - a friend you know just got pregnant. You try to be happy but you feel like curling into a little ball
DOWN - you consider if you can emotionally go through this again, whether you can put your partner through it again, whether you can afford it a second time
UP - you walk into the second cycle a little scarred but mostly trying to find your faith again knowing you can't think of an alternative to being a mother

You repeat the process numerous times, trying to stay positive and hopeful. As each cycle progresses your faith dwindles slightly. You want to have a baby so much you can't imagine stopping. It becomes like a challenge that you won't quit. Like a dog with a bone, you won't let go. It may work the next time. If you are lucky it may not take many goes. If you are unlucky it may take many, many, cycles. It is like Russian Roulette you just never know what will happen and you keep praying that everything will work out just the way you want it to.

It will take many tears and much courage. But we take the risk because there seems no alternative.

Until next time,

Narelle Hudson

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