Saturday, 22 August 2015

The isolation of IVF!

The IVF journey is the loneliest journey of them all!

You have so many people around you but mostly you want to be left alone. When you do need support you don't know who to turn to; as you don't want to keep burdening others with stories of your pain. Many of them could never understand what you are going through or are sick of hearing about it. I have heard so many stories of women going through IVF feeling so alone. I must say I had many moments where I also felt very alone is the darkness of my pain. Alone even whilst surrounded by a caring partner, kind nurses and well-meaning friends and family.

Your partner may be understanding and empathic or unable to comprehend what you are going through. I was lucky my partner was very supportive. I have heard many stories from others who have partners who can't even begin to understand what they are going through. Even for the partners who try to understand sometimes you feel like they have no idea of what you need to endure.

Your girlfriends may try to understand, but unless they are also going through IVF themselves it is very difficult for them. They don't know what to say and sometimes there is nothing they can say that will make you feel any better. Your friends who are involved in IVF or have been previously, understand on a deeper level although their story could never be the same as yours and many of them fall away too as they succeeded and get caught up in the busy life of motherhood.

If your friends are all around your age then they have similar dreams to have a baby and watching many of them get pregnant very quickly, or even accidently, really hurts. Many fall away as the IVF cycles roll on and they have babies of their own. They just aren't comfortable around you anymore. They either avoid the topic of their new baby and there are uncomfortable silences, or they ramble excitedly about their baby and you try not to feel their words like arrows shooting at your heart. Then you feel the guilt that you can not be happy for them and be there in their time of celebration.

Although, you will probably never feel as alone as when you walk through a mall, dodging mothers with strollers and cute little toddlers walking towards you. Those moments will probably hurt the most. As the life you crave parades itself in front of you.

If this book, I am writing, can shine a light for any of you out there, hiding in the darkness alone, then it will be a success.

Join the conversation. You are not alone!

Until next time,

Narelle Hudson

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