Monday, 31 August 2015

Others have had it much worse than I

I was speaking to a lady a week ago, who told me how hard it was for her to go through the IVF process. I heard the pain in her voice and the hardships she had experienced. Then she went on to discount all her emotions by saying "I know many others who have had it much worse than I".

I don't see it this way!

I believe all of our experiences with IVF are profound and worth talking about with importance and respect. If you have been through IVF once or nine times; who is qualified to measure the emotional pain you felt? I don't believe anyone has the right to say, 'well you only went through it once and now you are pregnant, you have it much better than another lady I know you went through it many, many times...'

We are all unique, with our own perspective and feelings. One thousand ladies could go through exactly the same experience and all see it through different eyes and respond differently to the process. We are humans and not one of us has the exact same experience as anyone else.

We are not robots going through the steps. The emotional lessons and experiences we have are the greatest teachers of all. I feel at the end of the IVF process if you don't come out with a baby or even if you do, you gain so much more insight and understanding into who you are as a person. Into who your partner is. These lessons are what my book is about. Rediscovering who you are through this difficult experience.

Don't all difficult experiences remind us of our inner strength and encourage us to tap into it?

If you are brave enough please share with us which inner strengths you discovered within yourself through the IVF process.

Until next time,

Narelle Hudson

Saturday, 29 August 2015

The Rollercoaster Ride

How do I begin to describe the emotional process of IVF?

I compared it to a rollercoaster ride as I journeyed through it myself, and even now all these years later I will never forget the many ups and downs that present themselves on this journey.

UP - you meet the man of your dreams and you fall in love
DOWN - you discover you cannot have a baby as naturally as you expected, as naturally as all the people around you getting pregnant
UP - you find the courage to ask medical professionals for help
DOWN - you find out how slim your chances are of succeeding without their help
DOWN - you calculate the costs and the process involved and hear about the risks and drugs
UP - you have faith that it will work and you will be a mother after all
UP - you start the process all confident and positive
DOWN - the side-effects of the drugs mess with your emotions and you find everyday life challenging
DOWN - the injections are painful and you feel like a pin-cushion
DOWN - the days when you have finished all the procedures and just need to wait until you can do the pregnancy test are excruciating
UP - the day you can take your pregnancy test is bitter-sweet but your optimism makes you positive
DOWN - the results are in, you are not pregnant
DOWN - or worse still you get your period the morning of the pregnancy test and have to take the test anyway just for the doctors to be sure
DOWN - you feel so low, all that hope and now it is over and it did not work
DOWN - a friend you know just got pregnant. You try to be happy but you feel like curling into a little ball
DOWN - you consider if you can emotionally go through this again, whether you can put your partner through it again, whether you can afford it a second time
UP - you walk into the second cycle a little scarred but mostly trying to find your faith again knowing you can't think of an alternative to being a mother

You repeat the process numerous times, trying to stay positive and hopeful. As each cycle progresses your faith dwindles slightly. You want to have a baby so much you can't imagine stopping. It becomes like a challenge that you won't quit. Like a dog with a bone, you won't let go. It may work the next time. If you are lucky it may not take many goes. If you are unlucky it may take many, many, cycles. It is like Russian Roulette you just never know what will happen and you keep praying that everything will work out just the way you want it to.

It will take many tears and much courage. But we take the risk because there seems no alternative.

Until next time,

Narelle Hudson

Saturday, 22 August 2015

The isolation of IVF!

The IVF journey is the loneliest journey of them all!

You have so many people around you but mostly you want to be left alone. When you do need support you don't know who to turn to; as you don't want to keep burdening others with stories of your pain. Many of them could never understand what you are going through or are sick of hearing about it. I have heard so many stories of women going through IVF feeling so alone. I must say I had many moments where I also felt very alone is the darkness of my pain. Alone even whilst surrounded by a caring partner, kind nurses and well-meaning friends and family.

Your partner may be understanding and empathic or unable to comprehend what you are going through. I was lucky my partner was very supportive. I have heard many stories from others who have partners who can't even begin to understand what they are going through. Even for the partners who try to understand sometimes you feel like they have no idea of what you need to endure.

Your girlfriends may try to understand, but unless they are also going through IVF themselves it is very difficult for them. They don't know what to say and sometimes there is nothing they can say that will make you feel any better. Your friends who are involved in IVF or have been previously, understand on a deeper level although their story could never be the same as yours and many of them fall away too as they succeeded and get caught up in the busy life of motherhood.

If your friends are all around your age then they have similar dreams to have a baby and watching many of them get pregnant very quickly, or even accidently, really hurts. Many fall away as the IVF cycles roll on and they have babies of their own. They just aren't comfortable around you anymore. They either avoid the topic of their new baby and there are uncomfortable silences, or they ramble excitedly about their baby and you try not to feel their words like arrows shooting at your heart. Then you feel the guilt that you can not be happy for them and be there in their time of celebration.

Although, you will probably never feel as alone as when you walk through a mall, dodging mothers with strollers and cute little toddlers walking towards you. Those moments will probably hurt the most. As the life you crave parades itself in front of you.

If this book, I am writing, can shine a light for any of you out there, hiding in the darkness alone, then it will be a success.

Join the conversation. You are not alone!

Until next time,

Narelle Hudson

Tuesday, 18 August 2015

Thank you!

Thank you!

I knew this book was important when I started to write it five years ago but I had less idea of the mammoth impact this book will have on the world before starting my blog a few days ago. This book is necessary!

Already in the last few days over 100 people have visited and read this blog. I have had countless women reach out to me to share their stories; when they have not felt brave enough to share with anyone else before now. I have had women thank me from the bottoms of their hearts for putting a voice to their pain.

It is you I thank for being brave enough to share your story with me. I always feel so honoured when someone shares their truth with me.

I ask that we put an end to the silence!

The theme shining through all the conversations I am having with you all is that you feel isolated and alone in it. Let us shine our collective light on this topic. Let us share our voices so no one feels alone in it. This is what I wish to do with my book. Please help me now before the book is even released. Let us save other women all that pain.

There are so many women experiencing infertility right now. They don't have to do it alone!

I ask that you follow this blog if it feels right for you and then share this blog with others. I know you know those other women who are suffering alone. Whether you have finished your infertility journey as I have, are just starting it, or are in the midst of it. All your voices are significant and needed. If you feel courageous leave a comment that will help others just by reading it.

Let us end the silence. Let us validate the pain and create power in numbers.

Many blessings,

Narelle Hudson

Monday, 17 August 2015

Fertility issues

A Writer

Today I attended a Hay House Writer's Workshop. I was so inspired today that I vowed to stop denying my mission to finish the book I started writing nearly five years ago. After listening to many amazing authors, such as Dr. Wayne Dyer I reconnected with my true self again and realised it is my time to complete this work and stop hiding from the pain of writing it. I aim to submit a proposal to Hay House in December to ask them if they will publish my current book.

I have written books before, I have blogged before, but I start this new blog now as an online journal to help me be accountable for sticking to my purpose of finishing this book.

I hear you ask what the book is about and why the post is titled fertility issues. Well that is the concept of my book. My half-written book is a conversation I believe society needs to be having out loud about infertility. I know, through my own personal experiences, how taboo this topic still is and I want to shine my light on it. I want to open the conversation up and create a forum for like-minded people who are having their own issues with fertility. I know you are out there because along my own personal journey through IVF I have already spoken to so many women who have experienced the most heart-breaking occurrences. I have seen the tears of others and cried them myself. I have suffered the injections and the operations and the entire emotional roller coaster of it all.

Through most of it I felt quite alone in it. However, I was fortunate at the time to spend some of my journey with other friends who were experiencing similar things and to have a very supportive partner. However, even if everyone on your street had fertility issues I am sure no two women would have the same story.

I also understand there is no forum out there for the male partners involved in this process and I invite them also to share in this forum if they feel comfortable. Although I am a woman and even though I saw my male partner go through this journey too, I did not walk it in his shoes.

So even in the loneliness of this personal journey I wish for a sisterhood to be found in sharing our stories. I want the inspiration of our united love to inspire us to continue, as I was inspired today, to finish my book. For I believe there needs to be more information out there from a woman's perspective. A woman who has lived through it. Instead of simply a doctor's perspective, who offers the treatment, but has not personally endured it. So we feel connected in all of this and not alone.

If you are on this journey what would you like to read on the topic? How are you feeling right now? Please share.

Until next journal entry,

Narelle Hudson

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