Sunday, 20 December 2015

My book has a title

 Hi all,

Sorry I haven't blogged for a while but I have just started a new full-time job and am finding it hard to find free time at the moment.

Just to let you know where things are at I thought I would introduce you to my new book!

It will be called: 'Holding the Baby Dream'.

What do you think? Any comments or opinions on the title. Am happy for any feedback.

My proposal has been sent to Hay House and you can see my proposal video on U-tube, if you look up Narelle Hudson.

My other three books: 'Letting Go', 'Spirit', and 'Soul Channelling' are still available on Amazon.com.

More discussion to come about fertility after Christmas.

Thank you for your support.

Hope you all have a very Merry Christmas whether you are holding the baby or just the baby dream.

Blessings,

Narelle Hudson

Wednesday, 4 November 2015

Narelle Hudson: When IVF works, but preganancy does not go as plan...

Narelle Hudson: When IVF works, but preganancy does not go as plan...: I share this short excerpt from my book with you all, not to upset you but to broaden your minds. To help you understand. For many, the ...

When IVF works, but preganancy does not go as planned


I share this short excerpt from my book with you all, not to upset you but to broaden your minds. To help you understand. For many, the most difficult part of the journey may be the process of IVF itself. For others, as it was for myself, the most difficult part was when IVF did work but my pregnancy didn't go as planned.
 
Many women, who successfully get pregnant with IVF, still have to suffer the grief of not having a healthy baby, who grows into a child. Sometimes getting pregnant is easier than staying pregnant. This is an excerpt to help you to understand these mother's grief.  
 
Excerpt chapter 28 - Losing you.
 
From the moment I awoke on the morning following the night of your birth I knew life hadn’t paused for anyone down here on earth: except me. That taunting sun rose so brightly. Shining through my hospital window; challenging me, knowing I couldn’t hide from the fact the earth was still spinning. Nothing or no one had paused to grieve for my loss; the only noticeable difference being my position under the sun.
 
As I left the hospital I took note of how normal everything seemed. As I walked into the hospital car park I marveled at how typical the scene was out here. I think I expected the whole world would have been in an uproar over the injustice of my loss. No-one and nothing seemed altered. I knew I would never be the same again! I felt so alone. It was like the whole world didn’t even care. Why weren’t they all mourning for you?
 
Blessings and light,
 
Narelle Hudson

Monday, 26 October 2015

You are not alone in this...


Excerpt from my book (Chapter 12)...
 
...The more I emotionally break down in public or mention the topic of IVF the more I realise how many woman are in fact going through exactly what I am going through or much worse. I spoke to a lady the other day and after I confessed I was doing IVF she said she was one of the first groups of women to ever do IVF. She had been told she was a guinea pig and that the doctors were still working it out. She went through the process eight times and was unsuccessful each time. Back then they did not freeze embryos so she went through the whole process of injections and operations eight times, to no avail. She helped pave the way for all of us and went through the pain of it not working many, many, times. When I think of her I feel silly to be so upset just because the first time was not successful. However, it is no less emotional for me right now, in this moment, even knowing that it was much harder for many other women.

I spoke to another lady this morning and she also never fell pregnant, despite the many varied positions tried in the bedroom and the ache in her heart to have her own children. She adopted two beautiful children and life went on. You see all this when you dig just a little under the surface. You realise you are definitely not alone. Many, many women have trod and continue to tread the same futile steps towards their supposed God given right to be a mother, everyday, and fail at the attempt for one reason or another...
 
I love the phrase that says something like: 'if we could see what the person before us had been through up until this point we would only treat them with kindness'. I urge you never to assume that you have it so bad that the person before you could not understand. You are not alone!
 
Blesssings and light,
 
Narelle Hudson

Monday, 19 October 2015

When IVF doesn't work the first time...


It takes so much courage to admit that you can't get pregnant naturally, without the help of doctors. It can be a long time of hoping and praying that this can't be your destiny and that you will get pregnant naturally if you just give it time.

Time runs out and the doctors will tell you your chances of success with IVF are greater before the age of 35. The biological clock keeps ticking and all of a sudden, even though you may start this journey at 27, as I did, all of a sudden you may be 30 and time does not wait. You may be older when you start and then time is even less of a friend to you.

Once we have admitted we need help and reached out for doctors to assist us we tell ourselves it will be a quick process and it will work on the first cycle. I think we have to tell ourselves this to make it easier to start in the first place. No one wants to prolong pain for themselves. If someone told me when I began that it may only work if I did five cycles I may have been less likely to jump in.

However, once you have jumped in and accepted your fate you want it to work so badly, maybe even more than before, to make up for all the things you are going through. So when the first cycle didn't work I told myself: 'that's ok, it will work next time'. I kept telling myself this as this was the message I needed to believe. The message had changed from: 'it will work the first time' to 'it will work next time'. Now I had already invested so much, there was no way I was going to back out without what I had come for, a baby.

The optimism fades as the cycles progress and although I still wanted to believe it would happen the next time, come cycle number five, I believe there were also parts of me that weren't certain anymore. Friends had also started the IVF journey with me and they had already given birth to healthy babies. I was desperate now but not 100% confident, as I once had been.

In fact when the pregnancy test came back positive, after the four pregnancy tests before it being negative, I hardly believed it myself. It took a long while to sink in.

Know when you begin this journey it can work, but it may not work the first time. The journey through five cycles can be a very bumpy one and it is best to be a little emotionally prepared for that. I wish I had of been that realistic in the beginning. Prepare yourself for the long haul and then be delighted if/when it happens sooner.

Many blessings,

until next time,

Narelle Hudson

Saturday, 10 October 2015

Webcam video from October 11, 2015 03:08 AM (UTC)




Interested to meet the author and put a face to a name. Now you can hear more about the book to come by hearing Narelle Hudson discuss her book proposal.

Tuesday, 6 October 2015

Don't forget to thank your partner


During the IVF process; as you are being poked, prodded, injected and investigated it is very easy to forget about your partner. Or worse still, to be resentful of him/her for only having to watch and not to be subjected to all the procedures your body has to endure.

Sometimes it seems like it is all up to you. At times, you feel like you are carrying the brunt of it all on your shoulders as the doctors and scientists treat you like a guinea pig. I have felt like this too. It is hard not to think it is all about you when you are the one going through the daily injections and blood tests, the pregnancy tests, the egg transfers, the operations, etc.

I take no credit away from myself and how hard it was on me, as it is hard, at times it is horrendous! Although, with the beauty of retrospect I have been able to see how hard it must have been for my partner to endure all that IVF brought with it too. He had to weather through the storms of emotional heartbreak as OUR dream of having a baby kept slipping away. He had to withstand my hormonal mood swings, injecting me with drugs, having to be the main bread winner to foot the costs of our expensive adventure, as well as the continuous emotional support he gave. I am sure there were many other struggles he faced, although he was strong for me and I don't remember him complaining often like I did. He was my rock!

My journey through all of this was long and hard and my husband and I actually became so much closer during the process. Although, I know many couples find the emotional/financial pressures too much on their relationship and don't make it through as a couple.

I hope you are lucky enough to move closer to your partner on your journey and not further away. For after all, if you don't get pregnant your partner is all you have. If you do get pregnant remember to appreciate all your partner is going through and to say "Thank you" from time to time. Although you may be caught up in the struggle of it all, know it is easier to get through IVF if you work with that person by your side. Don't forget the love you have for him/her in the pursuit of having a baby.

Until next time,

Narelle Hudson

Tuesday, 29 September 2015

Excerpt from chapter 15, entitled 'Hope'.


Enjoy this excerpt from chapter 15 of my up-coming book. This chapter is about Hope. Anyone on this path will surely understand how important hope is. Not sure I was very hopeful this day. sure you can relate to that too.
 
Now as we begin the third cycle of IVF I feel the increased numbness to it all. I find myself not taking on the crazy childlike hope of the first two cycles. I find I am now just following the steps and doing what I am told without too much hope or fear that it will work/not work. I am sure there is still a huge part of me, buried deep within somewhere, that craves for this to work; still hoping against all hope it will be successful; although that part is presently hidden from my mind. It is afraid to show itself although of course if it was not there at all, I would not be here on this path again. After all we only continue with this emotional rollercoaster if we have some hope the process will not be all in vain.

Presently though, I honestly don’t feel this cycle will or will not work this time. Perhaps I do not allow myself this luxury. Perhaps after feeling it would work for both those previous times I have simply shut out this optimistic part of myself, to keep myself safe. I am simply following all of the instructions and nonchalantly inhaling my nasal spray and frequenting my acupuncture appointments. Whatever happens will happen. I have not had a say in it so far and I don’t think it is up to me this time either. The universe will choose the next direction for me and it is my job only to follow that path.

I don’t believe at present that getting emotionally involved in it all will increase or decrease my chances in a positive outcome. I was extremely involved the first and second time; saying my affirmations, meditating on it, placing fertility crystals in and around me and the outcome was still not what I wanted it to be. My emotions were depleted quickly due to all the spiritual outpour of my energy into making the environment perfect for the conceiving of a child.

For this round I have decided to leave it all in the hands of the universe. It is their decision in the end that will count anyway. In fact sometimes, if we as humans, wish for something too much and cling to it too strongly it actually eludes us because we grasp it so tightly and do not give it the freedom to be birthed into reality.
 
P.S. thank you to those who have submitted title ideas. Please keep them coming! Is such an exciting time for me right now, with all my previous books now being available as paperbacks and kindles at Amazon.com.
 
Thank you all for sharing this journey with me,
 
Narelle Hudson

Monday, 28 September 2015

'Baby'



I am a writer and this means that words are constantly flowing through my brain a million miles an hour. So many words to choose from and still I cannot seem to find a title for my up and coming book. I have been thinking it will come to me as I continue to write the book but then I thought, who better to ask than you guys...the ones who are/have/will share my journey and know all of the feelings and emotions of this experience as well as I do. Maybe I am too close to it all to be objective enough to title my experiences. Do you have any ideas??? Yes, you!

The file on my computer has been titled 'Baby' for more than five years. During this time the process of writing this book has continued; however my intention has changed many times as the journey has progressed.

At first the word 'Baby' signified what I wanted from all of these struggles. The hope and dream that I had and the outcome I assumed I would achieve. It was a word which represented fighting and struggle. Then the word morphed into a celebratory word as I achieved my goal and became pregnant. The word was then filled with joy and blessings. Then when all the dreams slipped away the word 'Baby' became one of the most painful words I could hear. It became a word I would travel deep within to avoid hearing or stay at home to avoid seeing in public.

Now the word 'Baby' seems to represent strength for me again and how far I have come, however I am not sure this little word is adequate enough to represent all the emotions and experiences I have endured. Is any single word or string of words strong enough to label this journey? What words would you like to hear that would make you pick up this book and read it? Yes, you! Speak up...I can't hear you.

I would be grateful for any ideas in the comment section of my Blog and if your suggestion happens to be the title of my book when it is completed than of course you will end up with one of the first autographed copies.

Until next time,

Narelle Hudson

Wednesday, 23 September 2015

My poetry collection

Letting Go: A Poetry Collection by Narelle Hudson http://t.co/11Ie0glc64
via @amazon
Letting Go: A Poetry Collection
amazon.com/dp/1516949935/…
 
This is the second of my three books, previously written and re-released. I understand you may be specifically interested in the area of fertility if you are following my Blog, however these poems are about the universal theme of love, which I feel applies to all experiences in life.
 
If not for you, stay tuned for more information about my current book I am writing. Otherwise snuggle down and read this one while you are waiting. It will give you a great perspective on the type of writer I am.
 
Many blessings,
 
Narelle Hudson

Monday, 21 September 2015

While you are waiting for my new book to be finished...


If you are waiting for my fertility book to be finished and need some inspirational reading in the meantime. Here is one of my other books, Spirit, for you to read. The sequel to this book, 'Soul Channelling' is also on the way as well as my collection of Poetry - 'Letting Go'. Head to Amazon.com to get your copy now.
 Stay tuned for more information on the other titles coming soon.

Spirit by Narelle Hudson http://t.co/CmyxrjWVJM via @amazon
‘Spirit’ was inspired by a near-fatal car accident and subsequent near-death experience, which Narelle Hudson experienced in 2002. The book was inspired by the spiritual experiences Narelle gained during her recovery. It is not simply a story...
amazon.com/dp/1517018021/…


Sunday, 20 September 2015

Do you have children?


It always amazes me how society is so set in its ways that they struggle to accept anyone who is different. Whether that difference be your: sexuality, beliefs, taste, opinions or lifestyle.

I have met so many people, predominantly women, who can simply not wrap their head around the fact that I am of a certain age and do not have children. When going through IVF it was like a constant bomb being dropped. 'Do you have children?' POW 'When are you having children?" POW "Why don't you have children?" POW. These comments hurt like bullets into my heart and I wanted to scream.

I am sure all of these questions were asked with no nasty intent, however when you are mid-way through an IVF cycle, or even worse you have just realised the last cycle did not work, this is the last question you need. Even now, I am not currently doing IVF, I find these questions frustrating. Like the tradesman the other day who says: "well it's just you two at the moment but when you fill up the house with children you will use so much more power".

I have tried all sorts of responses to "Do you have children?", over the years to protect myself. I have found a simple "no" response leads to the enquirer needing to smooth things over and make things better. They usually respond with a comment like: "Oh well you are still young, plenty of time for that!" or "Don't worry, it will happen soon".

When I have responded with "its complicated" the same well-wishing responses are achieved. When I have responded with the truth and mentioned IVF the response can be mixed. It can resemble something like: "My daughter/friend/cousin tried that and it worked for them, it will work for you too, you'll see". Alternatively they can be very uncomfortable about the mention of IVF and shrink away and disappear.

I have experimented with just being honest, as I always try to be, but people get very funny when you tell them out loud you wont be having children. They respond like you just told them you were an alien from Mars and they cannot fathom why, as a young female, you would not have children. It is unbelievable to them and then it gets very awkward and they change the topic or leave, assuming now you both have nothing in common.

I have found it usually best to just agree with them when they say: "Don't worry, it will happen soon, you are still young". Nodding and smiling seems easier than bursting their false hope.

Although I wonder why I can't be 100% truthful with them all. Why does my action of not having children scare so many women? It was not even 100% my choice to begin with. Perhaps it worries them; bursting their optimistic bubble of hope that all women can have children.

Although sadly, anyone playing this infertility game knows children are not guaranteed for all! This lack of understanding only makes it harder to gain support and share our truth. This narrow-minded belief makes the journey more isolating and painful. This is why people need more education on this topic! This is why I write!

Would love to hear your stories too...

Until next time,

Narelle Hudson

Sunday, 13 September 2015

Keeping fertility issues a secret


It worries me that this topic is still so taboo for many women and their partners. There are many couples out there whom I have met who have children now and still have never found the courage to tell their family how those children were conceived. They believe it would be easier just to pretend the children were conceived through natural means and not through artificial ones. They are afraid they'll be judged and people won't understand.

This creates couples who feel even more isolated during their journey through IVF. Not only are they worried about the process of IVF and the outcomes; they also need to hide as they feel like they must not tell anyone they have fertility issues. This increases the stress and reduces their support considerably. IVF is difficult and isolating enough to do with support from family and friends. I am not sure I could have done it secretly without any of this support.

Not everyone I told understood my reasons for doing IVF or even agreed. In fact a lady I knew who was deeply religious ranted about how I was going against God's wishes and what I was doing was devils work. I had to ask her to leave my life. Not everyone can agree with your decision, but that is their choice and I don't believe anyone should have their chance to understand taken away.

People do surprise you and many will understand. In fact it is not until you share that you realise how many people really do understand on a personal level, because they have struggled or are currently struggling too. I found when I shared my journey with some people it actually gave them a voice; to talk about their fertility concerns. That is what I see my book doing on a grand scale. Although every time you help to give a voice to a single individual it is very powerful.

I remember a neighbour innocently came to my door one day after I had just found out cycle three had not worked. I broke into tears as soon as I opened the door. After my story fell out and my tears  dissolved I listened to this older lady. I heard her story of her journey through adoption. Don't feel alone in this. If you are honest and speak up about your story you may actually heal another who thinks they are all alone too. As soon as you speak out you realise you are not alone at all. Many of us are in fact in this together, we just haven't met each other yet.

Blessings,

Narelle Hudson

Monday, 31 August 2015

Others have had it much worse than I


I was speaking to a lady a week ago, who told me how hard it was for her to go through the IVF process. I heard the pain in her voice and the hardships she had experienced. Then she went on to discount all her emotions by saying "I know many others who have had it much worse than I".

I don't see it this way!

I believe all of our experiences with IVF are profound and worth talking about with importance and respect. If you have been through IVF once or nine times; who is qualified to measure the emotional pain you felt? I don't believe anyone has the right to say, 'well you only went through it once and now you are pregnant, you have it much better than another lady I know you went through it many, many times...'

We are all unique, with our own perspective and feelings. One thousand ladies could go through exactly the same experience and all see it through different eyes and respond differently to the process. We are humans and not one of us has the exact same experience as anyone else.

We are not robots going through the steps. The emotional lessons and experiences we have are the greatest teachers of all. I feel at the end of the IVF process if you don't come out with a baby or even if you do, you gain so much more insight and understanding into who you are as a person. Into who your partner is. These lessons are what my book is about. Rediscovering who you are through this difficult experience.

Don't all difficult experiences remind us of our inner strength and encourage us to tap into it?

If you are brave enough please share with us which inner strengths you discovered within yourself through the IVF process.

Until next time,

Narelle Hudson

Saturday, 29 August 2015

The Rollercoaster Ride


How do I begin to describe the emotional process of IVF?

I compared it to a rollercoaster ride as I journeyed through it myself, and even now all these years later I will never forget the many ups and downs that present themselves on this journey.

UP - you meet the man of your dreams and you fall in love
DOWN - you discover you cannot have a baby as naturally as you expected, as naturally as all the people around you getting pregnant
UP - you find the courage to ask medical professionals for help
DOWN - you find out how slim your chances are of succeeding without their help
DOWN - you calculate the costs and the process involved and hear about the risks and drugs
UP - you have faith that it will work and you will be a mother after all
UP - you start the process all confident and positive
DOWN - the side-effects of the drugs mess with your emotions and you find everyday life challenging
DOWN - the injections are painful and you feel like a pin-cushion
DOWN - the days when you have finished all the procedures and just need to wait until you can do the pregnancy test are excruciating
UP - the day you can take your pregnancy test is bitter-sweet but your optimism makes you positive
DOWN - the results are in, you are not pregnant
DOWN - or worse still you get your period the morning of the pregnancy test and have to take the test anyway just for the doctors to be sure
DOWN - you feel so low, all that hope and now it is over and it did not work
DOWN - a friend you know just got pregnant. You try to be happy but you feel like curling into a little ball
DOWN - you consider if you can emotionally go through this again, whether you can put your partner through it again, whether you can afford it a second time
UP - you walk into the second cycle a little scarred but mostly trying to find your faith again knowing you can't think of an alternative to being a mother

You repeat the process numerous times, trying to stay positive and hopeful. As each cycle progresses your faith dwindles slightly. You want to have a baby so much you can't imagine stopping. It becomes like a challenge that you won't quit. Like a dog with a bone, you won't let go. It may work the next time. If you are lucky it may not take many goes. If you are unlucky it may take many, many, cycles. It is like Russian Roulette you just never know what will happen and you keep praying that everything will work out just the way you want it to.

It will take many tears and much courage. But we take the risk because there seems no alternative.

Until next time,

Narelle Hudson


Saturday, 22 August 2015

The isolation of IVF!



The IVF journey is the loneliest journey of them all!

You have so many people around you but mostly you want to be left alone. When you do need support you don't know who to turn to; as you don't want to keep burdening others with stories of your pain. Many of them could never understand what you are going through or are sick of hearing about it. I have heard so many stories of women going through IVF feeling so alone. I must say I had many moments where I also felt very alone is the darkness of my pain. Alone even whilst surrounded by a caring partner, kind nurses and well-meaning friends and family.

Your partner may be understanding and empathic or unable to comprehend what you are going through. I was lucky my partner was very supportive. I have heard many stories from others who have partners who can't even begin to understand what they are going through. Even for the partners who try to understand sometimes you feel like they have no idea of what you need to endure.

Your girlfriends may try to understand, but unless they are also going through IVF themselves it is very difficult for them. They don't know what to say and sometimes there is nothing they can say that will make you feel any better. Your friends who are involved in IVF or have been previously, understand on a deeper level although their story could never be the same as yours and many of them fall away too as they succeeded and get caught up in the busy life of motherhood.

If your friends are all around your age then they have similar dreams to have a baby and watching many of them get pregnant very quickly, or even accidently, really hurts. Many fall away as the IVF cycles roll on and they have babies of their own. They just aren't comfortable around you anymore. They either avoid the topic of their new baby and there are uncomfortable silences, or they ramble excitedly about their baby and you try not to feel their words like arrows shooting at your heart. Then you feel the guilt that you can not be happy for them and be there in their time of celebration.

Although, you will probably never feel as alone as when you walk through a mall, dodging mothers with strollers and cute little toddlers walking towards you. Those moments will probably hurt the most. As the life you crave parades itself in front of you.

If this book, I am writing, can shine a light for any of you out there, hiding in the darkness alone, then it will be a success.

Join the conversation. You are not alone!

Until next time,

Narelle Hudson

Tuesday, 18 August 2015

Thank you!

Thank you!

I knew this book was important when I started to write it five years ago but I had less idea of the mammoth impact this book will have on the world before starting my blog a few days ago. This book is necessary!

Already in the last few days over 100 people have visited and read this blog. I have had countless women reach out to me to share their stories; when they have not felt brave enough to share with anyone else before now. I have had women thank me from the bottoms of their hearts for putting a voice to their pain.

It is you I thank for being brave enough to share your story with me. I always feel so honoured when someone shares their truth with me.

I ask that we put an end to the silence!

The theme shining through all the conversations I am having with you all is that you feel isolated and alone in it. Let us shine our collective light on this topic. Let us share our voices so no one feels alone in it. This is what I wish to do with my book. Please help me now before the book is even released. Let us save other women all that pain.

There are so many women experiencing infertility right now. They don't have to do it alone!

I ask that you follow this blog if it feels right for you and then share this blog with others. I know you know those other women who are suffering alone. Whether you have finished your infertility journey as I have, are just starting it, or are in the midst of it. All your voices are significant and needed. If you feel courageous leave a comment that will help others just by reading it.

Let us end the silence. Let us validate the pain and create power in numbers.

Many blessings,

Narelle Hudson

Monday, 17 August 2015

Fertility issues

A Writer

Today I attended a Hay House Writer's Workshop. I was so inspired today that I vowed to stop denying my mission to finish the book I started writing nearly five years ago. After listening to many amazing authors, such as Dr. Wayne Dyer I reconnected with my true self again and realised it is my time to complete this work and stop hiding from the pain of writing it. I aim to submit a proposal to Hay House in December to ask them if they will publish my current book.

I have written books before, I have blogged before, but I start this new blog now as an online journal to help me be accountable for sticking to my purpose of finishing this book.

I hear you ask what the book is about and why the post is titled fertility issues. Well that is the concept of my book. My half-written book is a conversation I believe society needs to be having out loud about infertility. I know, through my own personal experiences, how taboo this topic still is and I want to shine my light on it. I want to open the conversation up and create a forum for like-minded people who are having their own issues with fertility. I know you are out there because along my own personal journey through IVF I have already spoken to so many women who have experienced the most heart-breaking occurrences. I have seen the tears of others and cried them myself. I have suffered the injections and the operations and the entire emotional roller coaster of it all.

Through most of it I felt quite alone in it. However, I was fortunate at the time to spend some of my journey with other friends who were experiencing similar things and to have a very supportive partner. However, even if everyone on your street had fertility issues I am sure no two women would have the same story.

I also understand there is no forum out there for the male partners involved in this process and I invite them also to share in this forum if they feel comfortable. Although I am a woman and even though I saw my male partner go through this journey too, I did not walk it in his shoes.

So even in the loneliness of this personal journey I wish for a sisterhood to be found in sharing our stories. I want the inspiration of our united love to inspire us to continue, as I was inspired today, to finish my book. For I believe there needs to be more information out there from a woman's perspective. A woman who has lived through it. Instead of simply a doctor's perspective, who offers the treatment, but has not personally endured it. So we feel connected in all of this and not alone.

If you are on this journey what would you like to read on the topic? How are you feeling right now? Please share.

Until next journal entry,

Narelle Hudson

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

Dear Readers, I have been so busy since my last post promoting and sharing my new book: The Baby Dream Learning to Live with Infertility and...